| Remembering you today... |
[Dec. 8th, 2005|07:57 am] |
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One year ago today we lost you. I don't know if the world stopped moving, but it should have. And it sure as hell felt like it did. Wherever you are, I hope you're rocking the fuck out.
Rest in peace. Love.
 
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| i could be brand new |
[Dec. 2nd, 2005|10:39 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
i know, i know..i never post anymore. that's because myspace stole me.
anywho, was just reading my friends page and read cristina's post about reading last year's posts, so it made me wanna flip back and see what i was saying around this time last year...
i don't know who that person was. it's like reading someone else's journal. was i really that happy?? i guess i was..but now i wonder how the hell i thought that would last. or why i would have wanted it to. i guess i just wanted something to last..anything. seriously though...ew.
i'm just glad i came to my senses. and glad i haven't gone retarded since R has started calling again. Not sure what he thinks there is to gain. i'm not the same person i was back then.
too weird...i just got this freaky sense of deja vu..but it was the sense that i have posted an entry about having deja vu while posting an entry and posting about it. whoa.
goodbye. |
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| i see a world... |
[Nov. 25th, 2005|09:29 am] |
my words have completely escaped me. but it seems yours have too. that, or you have nothing to say to me. if you were standing in front of me at this moment, one of us would probably say something really stupid just to fill the silence. my guess is it would be you. i'm used to the silence. i see your words everywhere, but never for me.
some days i want to scream so loud my lungs would burst and i would collapse straight through the earth. i want you to hear it. i want you to scream back. i want to know that you felt the earth stop moving. i want to pound my fists through every wall around me. i want to tear my skin off, one shredded piece at a time.
i want to. but i won't. i will smile and i will pretend i haven't died 1000 times. |
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| SKORPION!!!!! |
[Nov. 21st, 2005|07:39 am] |
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY SKORPION!!!!!!
hope you have a fantabulous day!! wish we could be there to celebrate with you!!! we miss you lots and lots!!! LOVE YOU!!! |
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| Running from...what? |
[Nov. 19th, 2005|10:06 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  cheerful | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Attached- I cry | ] |
Go ahead...flip it.
Your favorite color was blue. I picked those flowers we saw in June for you. |
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| If you've never heard that silence... |
[Nov. 14th, 2005|02:40 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  how did you know? | ] |
dear diary,
we haven't spoken much lately; i'm not sure why. but here i am, at 3:03 a.m. talking to you. i guess because you're the only one either home or awake. or at least the only one willing to listen. i have to be up for work in less than 4 hours but i find myself unable to sleep. not wanting to sleep. wanting to sit on the beach and feel every single moment of beautiful loneliness the ocean has to give me. i dont know why i don't just get in my car and go. maybe because im afraid i will keep driving and never come back. all i needed tonight was a friend.
i remember sitting in the hallway of my dorm freshman year on the phone at 3 a.m. wearing these very cow pajamas. i thought they were just as funny then as i do now. i think i'll laugh myself to sleep. moo.
hope you are doing well, diary.
yours truly,
Re-run |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 11th, 2005|07:15 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | blank | ] |
awesome hearing back from you. :) |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 8th, 2005|06:17 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  hungry | ] |
My heart has broken...Charles (one of my favorite students) is moving to Japan. I haven't seen him at all since his mother passed away, and now I will only see him one more time, if that. :(
Other than that, life is just terrific. |
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| quick update |
[Nov. 2nd, 2005|07:12 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | hungry | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | virgil | ] |
i have internet back!!!!! quick update before i haul my ass back to work..
1. hurricane shutter boy that asked me out- total fucking weirdo. thank god i never made it to the actual date. ew!!!
2. been out of work for a week and a half because of the hurricane..courtney moved in for the week. we had a blast...nothing like partying triplet style when there's a damn curfew for the whole county
3. i miss my students so much it's retarded, but i need another day (tomorrow) off, so keep your fingers crossed for me.
4. ANGEL IS COMING TODAY!!!!!!! which is why i need tomorrow off because if he comes all the way down here tonight and then i have to work tomorrow i am going to be PISSED off!!!
5. i miss gonemad. they were a great damn band.
6. you're getting harder to remember. no, i didn't get your stupid letter. so this is getting weird, i better go. |
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| When you left for Santa Monica... |
[Oct. 23rd, 2005|05:16 pm] |
The last couple nights have been just what i've needed to smile, at least for a little bit. Friday night we had a work party to celebrate mr. hanley staying with us for good. Was so great to just hang out and laugh all night with good friends. I'm so lucky to work with people I love so much...they are all so great. Well, the ones that we hang out with anyway. hahaha!
Last night we had game night with the girls, and it was so much fun!!! Always good times with you girls! Thanks!!! :) :)
Hurricanes suck, but when your landlord brings over a hottie to help put the shutters up and the hottie asks you out on a date, you see a bit of a silver lining. hahahaha. We are talking hot with a capital YUM. hehe.
Ok, time to head over to the parents' for the storm party! Everyone stay safe! |
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| broken hearts won't mend with glue |
[Oct. 21st, 2005|12:20 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  spacey | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | kitchens of soul | ] |
lately i find myself staring out windows. it doesn't matter where i am. in the car, at work, at the bar. i'm completely out of touch with what's going on right next to me, and all i can do is look out the damn window. thinking there must be something out there that's worth it. but what if there's not? then what the hell are we even doing here?
"all i wanted, baby, was a kiss from you. cause she said when i touched her, she felt like she was home again. guess i loved you so much i never thought that touch could end..." |
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| hating life...hating death more |
[Oct. 18th, 2005|11:15 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  helpless | ] |
i would just like to take this opportunity to let you know that LIFE SUCKS and i hate the universe.
why is that, you ask? this kid is by far one of the sweetest, most genuinely good-hearted people i have ever met in my whole entire life. he doesn't have a mean bone in his body. you'd think life might throw a good thing or 2 his way, wouldn't you? well apparently not. his mom passed away last night.
it sucks bad enough when my kids get into trouble and i can't save them. but
this..i just can't handle. he's going through pain i can't even begin to
imagine, and i can't do a damn thing to change it. seriously, what do you say to a 17 year old boy who just lost his mom???
if i could change every single wish i have ever made on all my birthday candles, and all the stars i've stared at, and every green m&m i've ever eaten, and every time i've looked at the clock at 11:11, i would wish for charles to keep his mom.
people wonder why i don't believe in god. gee, maybe it's because any god worth believing in would never do such a horrible thing to a beautiful spirit like his.
i am so over this death thing. it's retarded. next election, i'm voting for
whoever promises to keep death from happening. |
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| too many times i have wondered |
[Oct. 17th, 2005|11:18 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  depressed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | susie suh | ] |
all i want is for someone to look at me and see a reason to stay
instead of seeing all the reasons not to
are there really that many??
"i'm missing you
or maybe i'm just missing who
i was when i was with you..."
i wish i didn't miss that me
if i had never known that one, it would be so much easier to be lonely
i'd have an oblivious empty space
instead of an empty space that knows what it's missing
i wish i could feel the ocean on my feet right now
the loneliness of all that water melting through my skin
"knowing deep inside, you can't provide
what i need from you anyway
but do you know it doesn't change
the way i feel about you at the end of the day
i tell you that i wanna go, but i wanna stay
i wanna stay, i wanna stay, i wanna stay
but i know i'm gonna lose myself this way" |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 12th, 2005|07:36 am] |
Music is worthless unless it can make a
Complete stranger break down and cry
~Frou Frou |
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| is this my day to die? |
[Oct. 10th, 2005|12:45 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  jubilant | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | olr- if you want me | ] |
good god, i had almost forgotten how incredibly amazing Presence is. well not really, but 1 year and 8 months is waaaaaay too long to go without seeing my very favorite boys.
*sigh*...J is just by far the cutest darn thing ever. i could just eat him right up! can't wait for them to come back. party at 103!!! hehe. :)
sweet dreams to me. |
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| >:( |
[Oct. 9th, 2005|02:02 am] |
ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i can't stand how damn cute he is!!!!! seriously, it actually annoys me how good looking he is. i want to BITE HIM!!!
more importantly, i'd like to know what he thinks of me. someone make him like me, please. :/
PRESENCE TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) :) :)
ps- thanks to everyone who made my birthday so amazing. i had the best time ever!!!! love to you all! :) |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 6th, 2005|06:31 am] |
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE BEST TWIN EVER!!!!!!!!! |
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| My Birthday!!! |
[Oct. 5th, 2005|11:20 pm] |
This is for anyone in the area:
THE TWINS' BIRTHDAY:
- tomorrow night at Jumby Bay in Abacoa...great drinks, great people, great music. We'll be there prob between 8:30 and 9 till i'm guessing when they kick us out. Oh quit your whining...I have to work the next morning too and I'M the birthday girl!!! :P Hope to see everyone out!!! |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 5th, 2005|08:08 am] |
interesting last couple of days...
monday night was so much fun...went to Saito's (or something like that) with the work crew and had a BLAST!!! after dinner we all decided the party needed to continue with some more liquor so we moved to the bar outside and kept the drinks flowing. Court and I ran into Alex and he said he'd give us a call later when he and boys were done practicing. So we called chrissy and told her to meet us at jumby in the meantime. We were there for al of like 20 min before he called, and then we packed back up and headed over to ron's new place..kicked it in the clubhouse for a while. court and chrissy left but i stuck around to hang with ron, alex and dell. oh my lord did we have fun...hung out there for a while longer drinking and playing on myspace (hence the somewhat obnoxious bulletin ron posted on my behalf, in case anyone read that. hahahaha). moved the party to his condo, then went swimming, then back for some more hanging out. i had so much fun...definitely love those guys. and YAY!!! more people to celebrate my birthday tomorrow!!! :) :) :)
yesterday i saw him. and the world didn't end. but i think i might have accidentally stabbed a hole in the universe. oops. |
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| >:( |
[Oct. 2nd, 2005|10:41 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | cabas- la caderona | ] |
right...like i am really going to be able to sleep wondering who that private number was that called. FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >:( |
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